Too Much THinkin

IT hurts. Make it stop.

I just want to be normal. No more overanalyzing. No more premeditating. No more wondering. No more fearing. No more head hurting. It isn't fun. You know those life experiences where your brain goes into this "energizer bunny" mode of never wanting to stop thinking. It can be started by a life event, a good book, a movie, religion, etc. But the result is always the same. Your brain doesn't want to just relax. It wants to think and analyze and create and ponder and do anything but relax. Sometimes it lasts for just that night you want to go to bed early cause you gots to get up early. Sometimes it lasts for a day or two as you try to figure things out or until you brain gets tired and just reverts back to el normal-o mode. Then there are those times when it just goes and goes and goes. You go to bed with it running (a difficult task but some how achievable). You wake up and it's still running. Day after day. Your body rested, but your brain, it don't stop.

This has happened to me a few times in my life. It has been sourced by career/school choices, religion, and others. Always by something that could be a life changing decision or thought. When I was really trying to decide on the religious path that would draw me closest to my Heavenly Father and Savior, my brain (and heart for that matter) kept beating the energizer bunny drum until I knew what I should do. Now IT's back for good reasons not religious.

You try to just ignore it, but you can't. You have to keep doing things. You can't sit idle cause it hurts more. You just got to keep pushin, still thinkin (despite how much it may hurt) but not too much, until you know what it is you should do. This life thing isn't easy some times. But for some reason I sure love it.

Peaced

PS. Sorry for sounding crazy. not purposely done. it just comes naturally.

Bout Time

So this isn't the blog post I was building the suspense up for so many months ago. That will someday come. When it does, you'll know. But, because of the "reminders" by my good friend Margaret and others, and the nagging feeling I have in the inner portions of my chest that has to talk about something because I don't know of where else I can spew my brain and heart oh so gently out so that I can in essence tell no one, but in actuality tell everyone from Provo, Utah to Bangladesh, India.

Do you ever have moments in your life that you really want to have happen, but then when they happen you feel a fear-like feeling come over you. And this could be a live event you have experienced before, but for some reason this one time you feel you are being discouraged in a way you never have before. And it isn't one of those, "you know you shouldn't being doing this" feelings. It is more of a "this shouldn't be happening again, it isn't real, and even if it is it will be like the rest so allow yourself to fear or get a feeling you have never had before, which isn't a fear you have experienced before, it's much deeper," feeling (yes this is a run-on, but I gave you commas to breath, you also got one in the first paragraph-my blog, my use of grammar).

I know I'm not making much sense, but that's because it is a feeling I have never experienced quite like this before associated with other feelings that are really powerful. I think I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm also not talking in lots of details, but I don't think they would help either. Cause if I did add the details, I know the responses I would get, and they would ignore what I may think is the source of this craziness inside of me.

Anyways, I've vented. Vented so that my buddies in China and Siberia can get confused and ponderous. I don't know what it is with this blogging thing that feels so good to do, but I'm glad I'm finally back to doing it.

PEacin Out