Friday, July 21, 2006

Bout Time

So this isn't the blog post I was building the suspense up for so many months ago. That will someday come. When it does, you'll know. But, because of the "reminders" by my good friend Margaret and others, and the nagging feeling I have in the inner portions of my chest that has to talk about something because I don't know of where else I can spew my brain and heart oh so gently out so that I can in essence tell no one, but in actuality tell everyone from Provo, Utah to Bangladesh, India.

Do you ever have moments in your life that you really want to have happen, but then when they happen you feel a fear-like feeling come over you. And this could be a live event you have experienced before, but for some reason this one time you feel you are being discouraged in a way you never have before. And it isn't one of those, "you know you shouldn't being doing this" feelings. It is more of a "this shouldn't be happening again, it isn't real, and even if it is it will be like the rest so allow yourself to fear or get a feeling you have never had before, which isn't a fear you have experienced before, it's much deeper," feeling (yes this is a run-on, but I gave you commas to breath, you also got one in the first paragraph-my blog, my use of grammar).

I know I'm not making much sense, but that's because it is a feeling I have never experienced quite like this before associated with other feelings that are really powerful. I think I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm also not talking in lots of details, but I don't think they would help either. Cause if I did add the details, I know the responses I would get, and they would ignore what I may think is the source of this craziness inside of me.

Anyways, I've vented. Vented so that my buddies in China and Siberia can get confused and ponderous. I don't know what it is with this blogging thing that feels so good to do, but I'm glad I'm finally back to doing it.

PEacin Out

2 comments:

Beth said...

how random that i check your blog today and you have an entry...way to go. anyway, not going to comment directly because i'm sure that's not what you're looking for...just wanted to say "word" I totally know that feeling. different situations i'm sure but I know it too. You're the coolest Josh!

NoSurfGirl said...

you're sounding a tad schizophrenic..

but I think that's normal.

This from your resident blogging wannabe psychologist friend.