Thursday, July 27, 2006

Too Much THinkin

IT hurts. Make it stop.

I just want to be normal. No more overanalyzing. No more premeditating. No more wondering. No more fearing. No more head hurting. It isn't fun. You know those life experiences where your brain goes into this "energizer bunny" mode of never wanting to stop thinking. It can be started by a life event, a good book, a movie, religion, etc. But the result is always the same. Your brain doesn't want to just relax. It wants to think and analyze and create and ponder and do anything but relax. Sometimes it lasts for just that night you want to go to bed early cause you gots to get up early. Sometimes it lasts for a day or two as you try to figure things out or until you brain gets tired and just reverts back to el normal-o mode. Then there are those times when it just goes and goes and goes. You go to bed with it running (a difficult task but some how achievable). You wake up and it's still running. Day after day. Your body rested, but your brain, it don't stop.

This has happened to me a few times in my life. It has been sourced by career/school choices, religion, and others. Always by something that could be a life changing decision or thought. When I was really trying to decide on the religious path that would draw me closest to my Heavenly Father and Savior, my brain (and heart for that matter) kept beating the energizer bunny drum until I knew what I should do. Now IT's back for good reasons not religious.

You try to just ignore it, but you can't. You have to keep doing things. You can't sit idle cause it hurts more. You just got to keep pushin, still thinkin (despite how much it may hurt) but not too much, until you know what it is you should do. This life thing isn't easy some times. But for some reason I sure love it.


PS. Sorry for sounding crazy. not purposely done. it just comes naturally.


Janell said...

Oh dear. What does it say about my definition of normal when I think that you are already normal but you don't consider yourself such?

Being mentally worn out is one of the worst sensations in the world, equal to being physically depressed. When one's mind and one's body aren't in equal sync everything in the world seems off kilter. Big decisions usually initiate the imbalance - school, work, relgion, etc. It sounds like you know the solution though and better it sounds like despite the lows you enjoy the roller coaster of life. Wow. That got a lot more serious than intended. I blame it on a late hour of the night.

The purpose of this comment was to say, "Yay! Congratulations on the blog post. Yay!." So yay! Now I have something to read when Margaret doesn't post =)

Margaret said...

I would hereby like to state that I resent being so easily replaced.

Oh, and...keep up the good work, Josh! You'll figure it out - I have ALL SORTS of confidence in you!

Jenn said...

I second the previously stated "YAY!" Way to go Josh! Good luck with everything--and just know that you have a whole TON of people who are right here to support you and assist you if you ever need it! We all LOVE you and can't wait to see you TRIUMPH!

Bill Karoly said...

Ha! I thought it was only me. Nice to know my son suffers from such a malady as this.

NoSurfGirl said...

You go to bed with it running (a difficult task but some how achievable).


And then you wake up to take care of your baby and it starts all over again, several times in one night. ;P

Just you wait, Karoly, just you wait.