How Do I Get Lost?

Probably my favorite summary of the teachings of Jesus Christ is said in the Savior's own words in St Matthew 10:39 (as well as a few other places), "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it."

It's been years since I first heard or read those words and it is taking years to feel like I may be beginning to grasp what those words mean. When we first hear the idea of losing yourself to find yourself (or hear it the 100th time) we scratch our heads and say, "that sounds nice, but what does it mean?" "You have a much better chance of finding something if you're looking for it. Hello!" "How do I get lost to find ME?" "Heck, how do I get lost?"

There are a lot of self-help books out there that talk about the importance of finding yourself first. They teach that to be independent, make sure your needs are met first. You are the most important person in your life. Forget others; just think about what makes you happy. The happiness of others cannot happen until you are happy.

I don't buy it. Any of it. At least not anymore.

Anytime I've thought that way I've been miserable. Maybe not at first. In fact, at first I feel invigorated. I feel what I think is freedom. But really it ends up being captivation, because instead of inviting feelings of love and joy and fostering a mindset that leads to choices that matter, it slowly invites feelings of selfishness and greed. I think about me, and then after some time I learn that thinking about me is fun. It's like a drug. I just can't get enough. Wow, look at me. I'm awesome. Come here everyone and bask in my awesomeness and you can be happy too.

Tying to another teaching of Jesus Christ, I hear people quote, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind," and "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself," and (appropriately) saying that these are the two greatest commandments. But, they add, "You can't love your neighbor unless you love yourself first."

I used to agree with that way of thinking. But it never worked. At least not for me. I eventually had the same problem with that as the self-help books. They were the same way of thinking. If I tried to consciously love myself first, I really didn't have time to love my neighbor. I was way too interesting. Or sometimes I was way too worthless so there was no way I could love others.

So then back to the questions, how do I get lost? How do I lose myself? Is there any room for thinking about 'me' when losing myself?

I don't think there is.

I think of those I know that were or are selfless with their life and then I ultimately end up thinking about my Savior who I feel they emulated. Looking at my Savior's life I can find no record where He ever put his feelings first.

Think about the woman who was caught in the act of adultery. What if Christ's thinking was "I can help her but what if she goes and sins some more? She will just ignore the atonement I will be performing for her. That hurts. Never mind let them stone her. It'll hurt too much if she does sin again."

What if He thought that each time I repented?

Yet He doesn't think that way, and "his arm is stretched out still." Everyday He allows me to hurt Him, because He has found His life through losing it for me and you. He is not allowing selfish thoughts about His pain interfere and somehow because He isn’t allowing those thoughts He isn’t having them and He is happy and at peace and filled with more love than we can fathom.

I am happy when I lose myself and unhappy when I try to find myself first.

What do you think?

Questions?

And you thought it would take at least a year before I wrote on this blog again. Well that is if "you" even exist anymore. I'm sure that most have removed me from their RSS feeds, and others have completely given up on including my blog in their daily cup of "coffee." Well I'm back, and hopefully consistent. The nearly one year of writers block is gone... for at least today.

So I have been thinking about stuff other than babies, MBA school, and my cute wife (but not much). I want to know what principles America or even we as a human race are basing our lives on and striving to achieve. I know there is a lot of talk about "change we can believe in" or "world peace," etc. But what kind of change and what kind of peace? What are we believing in?

I have a belief in my belief system that each person has certain principles they hold themselves to, whether they are aware of them or not. Someone may do the "right thing" because it makes them look good, they get votes, they get a tax break, just cause, or because it is the right thing to do. People may want to save polar bears because they believe animals and humans are worth the same, or because they believe all of God's creatures should be respected and not abused, or just cause they like white fluffy animals that eat you. In essence people have reasons they do the things they do.

So when is that reason right or when is that reason wrong? Or does the principle/reason for an action not matter as long as the outcome is interpreted as good? If that is the case then what is good and what is bad? Is the purpose of this life to fight for what we want to be right or what is already right? I believe in the principle of “by their fruits you shall know them” but what if the person or group I am trying to know is just a sapling?

I believe that there is a right and that there is a wrong. I believe that mankind is not perfect, but we as a people desire to progress. Unfortunately sometimes as we work to progress we miss the progression line and instead digress. What does it take to progress?

I believe the answers are there, so how do we find them?